Finally, on the third day, he asked where one of his shirts was. A couple we know were in Lamaze class, where they had an activity requiring the husband to wear a bag of sand—to give him an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant. Why don’t you pretend I’m not home?”, A few minutes later, my cell phone rang. Using herself as an example, the counsellor crossed her legs and her arms and exhaled loudly. Customer: It’s also her turn to unload the car. Together we made mud.”. I realized that the ups and downs of the stock market had become too big a part of our life one night as my husband and I prepared for bed. Even the cake was in tiers. “She’s not the type to say no.”, “I see,” my husband said after a brief silence. Enclosed with the heartworm pills my friend received from a veterinarian was a sheet of red heart stickers to place on a calendar as a reminder to give her pet the medication. Are you crazy? That’s when he noticed his wife squirming around in her seat. Late one night, having put it off all day, I climbed aboard the noisy contraption in our bedroom, where my husband was reading a book. When I asked a friend the secret to his 52 years of marriage, he replied, “We never go to sleep angry.” “That’s a great philosophy,” I noted. To some, marriage is a word. “And how many adults will there be?” she asked. Soon she came out, limping slightly and pretty upset. These hilarious dog cartoons will also tickle your ribs. When I finally arrived home, my wife gave me the longest kiss ever. “I think my wife’s going deaf,” Joe told their doctor. “You are a good-looking woman,” he said. “For the fourth time—I said chicken!”. I love you!” He stumbles to the kitchen and, sure enough, there’s breakfast. I was in my ninth month of pregnancy and feeling very uncomfortable. All sorted from the best by our visitors. Now! The agent sent the device to FBI headquarters in Washington, D.C., for analysis. So he tests it at a seminar by asking those assembled, “How many people here make love once a day?” Half the people raise their hands, each of them grinning widely. She was in her 20s, and the man she was dating left for war. “You got the house.”. “Yeah, but when you step back and look at the big picture, I’m still ahead,” I said. “Don’t you think it’s time you turned around and headed for home?” he asked. The largest collection of marriage one-line jokes in the world. I followed the instructions closely, dividing the finished recipe in half for our individual plates. “I have an interesting case here,” he says. And the longest we’ve been awake so far is five days.”, ‘If I were to die first, would you remarry?” the wife asks. “Instead, I should keep quiet and crochet a doll.” Her husband was touched. “There’s all kinds of food. When the TV repairman got married, the reception was excellent. When I saw an ad on television for a baseball autographed by one of his favourite players that cost $42, I rushed out and bought it for him as a gift. “See anything you like?” I asked suggestively. Here are 16 physics jokes every science-lover will appreciate. Ready to groan? To return Click Here. One day, one of Louise’s friends suggests that she try a different tack. A husband and wife had been married for 60 years and had no secrets except for one: The woman kept in her closet a shoe box that she forbade her husband from ever opening. Then another, and another. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, “What setting do I use on the washing machine?”, “It depends,” I replied. These hilarious yearbook quotes will crack you up. “University of Western Ontario,” he yelled back. “Welcome him home with a kiss and some loving words,” she says. “Haven’t you noticed I haven’t spoken to you for three days?” I challenged. A minute later he heard her crying softly. “I made another cake and ate half.”. She cut herself a slice. We decided if it was positive, we would buy a baby outfit to surprise their father when he got home. The conversation focused on the newlyweds and how they happened to meet. When I announced that I was getting married, my excited mother said, “You have to have the rehearsal dinner someplace opulent, where there’s dancing.” My father, seeing where this was heading, said, “I’ll pay you a thousand dollars to elope.” “And you have to have a breakfast, for the people who are coming from out of town.” “Two thousand.” “We’ll need a photographer. What do you think it means?” “Maybe you’ll find out tonight,” he said. “Yeah,” came the reply. I climbed back in the boat; so did he. When a woman in my office became engaged, a colleague offered her some advice. One night when I dropped in at the police station on my news beat, a large, efficient-looking woman in uniform who packed a service revolver at her waist was behind the sergeant’s desk. Since it turned out to be my husband and me, the DJ asked us, “What advice would you give to the newly married couple?”, I said, “The three most important words in a marriage are, ‘You’re probably right.’”. I came down to scare him.” Scanning the contours of my doughy, naked body, she mumbled, “You didn’t need the gun.” Kurt Epps, Perth Amboy, New Jersey, Studying our wedding photos, my six-year-old asked, “Did you marry Dad because he was good-looking?” “Not really,” I replied. “Honey,” my husband joked when I told him, “after 13 years and 4 kids, I hardly need directions.”. “You ever have that ex-girlfriend who just won’t go away?” he asked his friend. We've collected the best of marriage proposal jokes and puns just for you. “Oh, thank God,” she said. My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Customer: In case you’re wondering, I had a fight with my wife, and it’s my turn to pick up the groceries. Nancy was Catholic, but her fiancé, Chris, was not. When the examination is over, he says, “Okay, Doctor. A collection of marriage proposal jokes and marriage proposal puns. “I have to go,” I told my wife. “Well, in plain English,” says the doctor, “you’re just lazy.”. “Oh, no,” he replied with a grin. He gave him a sheet from the linen closet, called the desk to check his assertion that he was registered at the hotel with his wife and escorted him to his room. It was an emotional wedding. The wife had rather grand ideas, while the husband wanted costs kept to a minimum. The floor’s still wet.” Rose Mattix, Decatur, Illinois, I once gave my husband the silent treatment for an entire week, at the end of which he declared, “Hey, we’re getting along pretty great lately!” Bonnie McFarlane, from You’re Better Than Me, A woman noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach.

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